As a domestic abuse law firm in Seattle, we understand that children are always impacted in homes where one parent abuses the other. While domestic violence can occur in any relationship dynamic, we will focus today on the common scenario of a father abusing a mother.

The Ever-Present Shadow of Fear

Even if a father never physically harms his children, they still suffer the effects of abuse. While parents may try to hide their arguments, children are always aware of the tension. The atmosphere in the home changes, and a constant state of fear takes over.

Children in a home with domestic violence may witness the physical abuse, hear the violence, or see the aftermath, such as bruises, black eyes, or torn clothing. Even very young children will instinctively try to comfort the abused parent, showing their deep-seated anxiety and fear.

Constant Anxiety and the Burden of Secrets

As a child grows up in this environment, they learn to watch for triggers and warning signs of a coming explosion. They never feel truly safe. They may try desperately to keep the peace, but as children, they lack the power and ability to do so. From a young age, they learn that the abuse is a family secret.

This can create immense pressure. A child may carry the fear that if a teacher or neighbor discovers the truth, it will be their fault and they will get in trouble. This is a heavy burden for a child to bear.\

The Complex Emotion of Anger

Anger is a difficult emotion for a child to process and overcome in this situation. They are usually not allowed to express it. They are constantly on guard, trying to ensure their mother or siblings don’t do something to set off the abuser. When a trigger does happen, the child may feel anger toward their family for not being able to prevent it.

During a violent act, a child feels rage toward the abuser and desperately wants to protect their mother. But they are too small, too young, and too afraid to intervene. This leaves them with an intense, unreleased anger. Ultimately, they feel incredible guilt: guilt for not being able to protect their mother, and guilt for feeling angry at her or their siblings.

Physical, Behavioral, and Emotional Consequences

Living in a home with domestic violence takes a significant toll on a child’s physical and emotional health. The human body is not built to endure such high levels of stress. The long-term effects can include:

  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Depression
  • Stomach aches and headaches
  • Bed-wetting
  • Acting out in school
  • Bullying other children
  • Running away from home
  • Resentment toward authoritative figures

It is crucial for a parent to remove themselves and their children from a violent environment. The entire family needs counseling to heal. Children, in particular, need professional help to understand their feelings, to be given permission to feel them, and to learn healthy ways to express their emotions.

For more information and legal guidance, contact a domestic violence lawyer today.